Newly Qualified Teacher

Today marked an important milestone in my career: I have completed my NQT year and my two years with The Programme. With my portfolio signed off, my final report filed and graduation from The Programme on Friday, I can't quite believe the changes the last year has brought.

To be honest, I can't bring myself to read previous blogs. Last year I was miserable but on the mend. I didn't enjoy teaching and I couldn't see myself going back to teaching in September. I'd survived the hardest year of my life, both personally and professionally, and felt knocked down time and time again.

Now - well, what a change. This year has seen my career metamorphose from a caterpillar of shit into, not quite a beautiful butterfly but, at least a majestic moth.

Yes, school is hard. Teaching is hard. Whoever tells you differently has either never done it or never worked with students who don't want to learn, in an institution with high standards.

This time last year I was grappling with feelings of inadequacy exacerbated by my own high standards and those of The Programme. At the time, I found it overwhelming. I remember thinking I was going to go one of two ways - drop out or knuckle down. Luckily, I chose the latter. Eventually.

So today I had my final observation as an NQT. I received an Outstanding which, if you're not in the business, is pretty bloody good. I don't mean to brag, but when you've felt like you're terrible at something, having a lesson go as well as mine did today felt like not only validation of my hard work, but respect. And it felt good.

So - the future. Yes, I'm staying in teaching. At some point over the past year I realised that this is actually the career I want. No, I don't think I'm the best, and I know many things I want to improve about my own practice and I've begun to appreciate, finally, the power and impact of The Programme.

There are many cynics who have said, at some point, being in The Programme means you get an easy ride, a fast track even. This is not true. You're not good because you're in The Programme, you're in the Programme because you're good. It's taken me a while to see that myself because, although I am hardly what you'd call a typically high-flying participant, I am finally able to see the value of the late nights, the essays, the research and the blood, sweat and literal tears I've poured into the last two years.

Someone once said to me that to be the best teacher you can, you need to be happy in yourself. This was the trickier journey. Luckily for me I met the man I want to spend the rest of my life with during my two years at the school, and the security and happiness that the relationship has brought me has meant that I am a much happier, more relaxed person, and that has had a massive impact on my experience of teaching. Although I needed the late nights and the long days of working, I am now lucky enough to have a life outside of school which is just as important and which means not everything I do revolves around my job. For the first time in two years I am happy with my life. And, I'm proud to say, my career. I am a teacher. Hear me roar.