Day 65: Lessons Learned

To follow Thursday's blog: yes, I made it in to work on Friday. Tears at 7am melted my resolve to persevere briefly, but I pushed myself out the door, arriving late but in one piece.

As I look back now, with 24 hours' reflection, I realise there's a reason this week has been so hard. For once, I can't even blame the kids. I've allowed myself to fester in a pit of self-loathing and I don't know why. The observation I had made a couple of weeks ago that my Friday evenings were not good for my general well-being was somewhat more accurate than I realised. What I have noticed since then was, like the kids themselves, I've let my personal life into work, and affect my mood - and therefore my performance. It seemed to creep up on me without notice, until it had overtaken and overwhelmed me. Not terribly exceptional, I must say. Sorry, Teachy Firsty.

And so, I have made a pact with myself. Following some encouraging words from a friend, and some more from my mother, I've decided that I will stop being so negative. I will also stop talking about my social life in these blogs; these are supposed to be about teaching, not the poison that is my self-esteem.

Right. Friday. I had an observation (!) for the first lesson, year 10, and I was fairly worried about it, as I'd not done a great job in my lesson with year 10 the day before. Luckily I found my professional tutor, who was going to observe me, before the lesson and talked it through with her. With her advice, I went into the lesson feeling more confident, although when I started, I realised that the kids were not as together with the work as I thought they were, so I let them carry on with whatever they wanted. I tried going around and helping them out individually, taking a couple of girls aside to go through certain areas they'd missed, and explaining on the white board how betting works (to explain a news story!) The feedback from the lesson was mixed: although my relationship with the class is fantastic, I'd make a bit of a pig's ear of the coursework as I'd not asked for much guidance, or asked the wrong people, and therefore had made it up as I went along. The kids were all getting on with it, which was good, but in future I'd do a much better job. Oh well.

After my feedback I went for a cigarette. Yep, I fell off the wagon, one day short of 4 weeks, although I've only allowed myself the weekend. After break I had year 7, and I was basically preparing them for a speaking and listening task. I should have left this till the Monday, or, like my colleague, missed it out altogether, but either way, I went with it and they worked, eventually. I've realised one of the girls is turning into a bit of a handful, so I'm going to have to sit her very far away from everyone else in future lessons.

I finished after the lesson, and pretty much switched off. I can't remember what I did, other than go to the shop and walk through a music video being filmed there. I also had feedback from my year 10 lesson on Thursday from my professional mentor, who is currently acting head as well. She was pretty positive, although told me that I talked too much and did all the work for the kids. Oops. She suggested I have one of them time me every time I spoke, and warn me when I go over two minutes - great idea.

After work, I did a bit of paperwork, but then was persuaded (it didn't take much) to go to pub for a drink before the school production of Hairspray, for which I had a ticket. Half a pint turned into 2 1/2, and I giggled back to the school with my colleague, to take my seat at 7pm next to one of my most notorious pupils, M, who offered me a cookie but otherwise was fairly restrained.

The play itself was pretty entertaining. I was pleased to see my clock being used as a prop. What was especially sweet was seeing the kids (including two of my year 10s I teach) working so hard at something and doing so well at it. There was some excellent talent, although it was somewhat overshadowed by a kid in drag and another behind a giant moustache. I loved it, and went back to the pub after to celebrate my colleagues' success in the production. I actually had a fantastic time at the pub, singing karaoke and chatting to my favourite colleague (a fellow Teachy Firsty) and mingling with the locals.

And so it is the end of the week - and one week, 5 days, 15 lessons to go till Christmas break. If I make it through this week, I'll have made it to Christmas, and I'll be able to make it through anything. Fingers crossed.