Day 3: Meadow of Despair

This morning came too soon. Like Juliet, I tried to persuade myself that the dulcet tones I heard were the nightingale, but in fact it was the Hall and Oates alarm on my phone. I dragged myself into school, making it in with several stops along the way, by half 7. I started by burning my toast and stinking out the English corridor, and then the panic set in about my first lesson of the day - year 9, who yesterday had given me considerable grief.

Luckily I spoke to a colleague who listened to my concerns and promised to take two of the rowdier students out of my class immediately. The boy who was taken out yesterday I decided to give a chance. A mistake. Without the two caller-outers or him the lesson was successful and the students quiet. It was pretty terrible, I was trying to teach them about pronouns and I'm not sure they got it at all really. However, 30 minutes into the lesson the boy from yesterday turned up. Error 1: I did not ask him to wait outside. Error 2: I did not write his name on the board as soon as he started disrupting. Error 3: I did not throw him out when he continued to chat back to me and distract those around him.

I left the lesson irritated that he had managed to annoy me so, and decided that I would not be taking it from him tomorrow. I don't want to sound like I'm picking on him, but it's very hard to work around children, or so it seems, that are determined to be disruptive attention seekers.

My next lesson, year 11, were subdued and generally well-behaved. One boy refused to read and I moved him when he continued to chat with, and at one point, swear at the boy in front. I made the mistake of saying if he behaved he could sit next to him again the following lesson. I was also told that sitting one boy next to the original challenger I'd had in that class was a terrible idea, as he was easily led the latter a bad influence. I will have to watch them closely on Monday and will move if possible. I don't have the confidence yet to move them around, it feels embarrassing, if I'm honest, but to be perfectly honest letting them sit where they can chat is ineffective.

I was relieved by breaktime; time for a cigarette and a little relaxation. I was beginning to panic about my last lesson of the day: year 10. My lifesaver came in the shape of my colleague from yesterday who went through the lesson plan with me and even helped me prepare the resources - another kinetic activity which drew sighs of despair from the group and a comment about how many trees I was sacrificing for the lessons. Overall, I was unimpressed by some of the girls in that group who seemed determined to chatter. Like I said, I'm still not confident enough to instil a seating plan, and my threats are often empty when they chatter. I need to be more confident in telling them to move or be quiet, and follow up with throwing them out the class if they repeatedly misbehave. I've put an unhappy face on the whiteboard so I can quickly write names up when someone does something disruptive because I keep forgetting who did what and lose count of the warnings.

So the day finished, eventually, and I stayed behind to plan tomorrow's lessons. I had some friends over - real, outside friends - for dinner and although the conversation revolved around myself, it was nice to be around the wonderful people I haven't seen in a while. I've been so wrapped up in this weird, scary, stressful new life that it's been too easy to forget everyone else.

So tomorrow - three lessons, including my year 7s who I have not met yet, and one day closer to the weekend. The idea of a lie-in right now is so appealing I can almost feel it.

And on that note, I think it's time for bed. After my 12-hour day, I am exhausted.